Response Ability

This morning at 4:22 am when menopause wouldn’t let me sleep, I was thinking about many things. I was sad because I couldn’t sleep. I was sad because I have been dealing with some health issues and answers are not coming easily. I was sad because of men in foreign prisons who don’t belong there. I was sad because I remembered we were out of coffee creamer. Some First World problems, some Entire World problems.

I started thinking about the question “What is my responsibility in these situations?” And then the word itself. Responsibility. And how it sounds like “Response Ability”. The ability to respond, not just the requirement or the mandate. And how each one of us has different Response Abilities.

Another word for this, that I use a lot in my therapy practice, is capacity. We can look at a person walking down the aisle in a grocery store and think we can determine their capacity for any number of things. They should be able to buy groceries without crying. They should be able to determine which loaf of bread is the best deal. They should be able to push their cart to their car and unload it without pain. They should be able to look the butcher in the eye and thank them after they are handed their cut of meat. Our partner with ADHD should be able to hold a conversation or text us back or…….etc.

But what if the person just lost a loved one the day before and they’re there to purchase food for family members who are coming into town for the funeral? Their capacity may not lend itself to buying groceries without crying. What if the person battles dyslexia and the tags on the bread aisle are a little confusing and they just grab the orange packaged one because it’s what their mom always bought? What if they are battling fibromyalgia or arthritis or chronic pain and the mere act of lifting a grocery sack is excruciating? What if the person struggles with autism or social anxiety and eye contact itself is difficult? What if ADHD has riddled our partner with a butterfly brain and they cannot possibly respond in a manner to which we would like, even though they have the desire to? (First of all, there’s treatment for this, second of all, therapy helps a TON).

Different capacities. Different Response Abilities.

I am currently and have recently been very judgy about others’ capacities when it comes to the situation we find ourselves in as Americans, I look at others and resent their silence. Silence, to me, is complicity. If we have a responsibility to our fellow man, then why don’t we have the Ability ro Respond when they’re being hurt or discriminated against or disappeared? I have to ground myself and realize that my responsibility can only be judged by my Response Ability and others’ is as well. If I have the ability and mental and physical capacity to protest, then I want to do that. I have the power of the written word. I can have conversations with others.

I have such a hard time with people who don’t feel the need to engage. It feels privileged and wrong. But I cannot possibly know everyone’s capacity for such things or their Response Ability. This is something I’m working on in my own therapy.

Let’s work on it together and Respond to the best of our Abilities.

-KS