Stop Waiting to Live Bigger Until You're Smaller

“I don’t want to do x-y-z at my current size”

“It will be so much fun to do that once I’m smaller again”

“I can’t imagine doing that right now, in this body”

These are thoughts I have multiple times a day.  Maybe you can relate.  Whether it be dreaming about next football season and attending Chiefs training camp, football games, and tailgates, or looking at summer clothing online and realizing I’m going to have to replenish my entire wardrobe when warm weather comes again.  These thoughts make me feel shameful and very discontent with where I am right now.

I saw a TikTok the other day that simply said “Stop waiting to live bigger until you are smaller” and that hit me right between the eyes.  How many things do I forego just because I don’t want to have to experience it in the body I’m living in right now? 

Sadly, many.

I met with a personal trainer on Friday for a consultation and I feel like I have a lot of work to do on my nutrition before I even begin the gym training part of this transformation.  Watching myself try to stretch and show my mobility in those full-length mirrors was brutal.  Shame crept in again, pretty hardcore.  Then, like clockwork, Facebook Memories popped up this morning and showed me a video of myself last Valentine’s Day when I weighed significantly less.

The reminders are everywhere.

I am trying to remember that I am not the same person I was last year in many ways, and most of them wonderful.  I have so much less fear in my daily life.  I am not trying to please an unpleasable god and I am not raking myself over the coals because of my life choices.  I am also not trying to please people anymore.  That feels good.

And even though I am still working on things with my weight, I want to try so hard to continue to live a BIG life even though I am currently in a big body.  Not stifle experiences and things I want to do just because I may be a little uncomfortable or sweaty or slow.  Life is too damn short.

Who’s with me?